STOP ME IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE...

I Can Speak

English

I Would Describe Myself As

I’ve been told by friends that I’m the funniest guy on the planet. They never did say which one, and let’s face it - these same people spend their free time downing fried pork rinds while watching old re-runs of, “My Mother the Car”, so their ability to offer serious opinions on anything other than the Atomic Weight of Cheetos is questionable at best. I guess I do have a weird, offbeat, obscure sense of humor, but I have to admit, even that is eclipsed by the astounding, God-given ability I have to wiggle my ears(really!). I’ve lived and worked in various places in Canada, Europe and the South Pacific(and Bali Hai never did call me), so I have at least a decent grasp on life outside the USA, which is something that has helped me grow as a person and partly made me into who I am today - a short guy trolling the Internet for women. I'm a pretty good cook, and love good food, good wine and good beer. I make a killer martini. I consume all things in moderation. I like hanging with friends and occasionally larger groups to hear new ideas and get different takes on life. I love all branches of The Arts, especially film, and enjoy going to movies, film festivals, plays, concerts, dance performances and art galleries. I also like hanging out at book stores, record stores, museums, antique stores, flea markets and Wal-Mart openings. I love road trips, both long and short. My politics are somewhat left of center. I’m an absolutely incurable romantic and make no apologies for that fact. I believe in honesty, loyalty and fidelity. I've been told that I give heart-stopping kisses and provide cuddles that have become the stuff of legend. Please hold your applause. By the way, my height as listed is correct but I've always dated women who were taller than me - no surprise there - so I’m open. The only thing I'm not open about is baggage. I left mine on the platform before the train pulled out of the station and am only interested in corresponding with someone who has done the same. If anything I've said here strikes you as appealing or at least interesting, then you are indeed an exceptional woman with exquisite taste in men and should not hesitate to contact me poste haste. Let's face it; to let someone with my rugged good looks slip through your fingers would be a travesty and you'd probably never forgive yourself. If, when you've finished the preceding, you're laughing, then you're probably someone I'd really enjoy talking to. On the other hand, if you find yourself frowning/grimacing/considering calling the authorities, then I'd pass and start dating that widget salesman who won last year's National Yodelers of America coveted Wish I Was Swiss award who keeps asking you out. Disclaimer: No widget salesmen were actually harmed during the writing of this profile. Later.

Sign

Capricorn

My Body Type Is

Slender

My Height Is

4' 10 (1.47 m)

My Eyes Are

Hazel

My Ethnicity Is

Caucasian

My Marital Situation Is

Divorced

I Have Kids

Yes - Not At Home

I Want Kids

No

My Best Feature Is

Smile

Body Art

Wouldn't Even Think About It

My Hair Is

Bald

I Have One Or More Of These

No pets

Willing To Relocate

No

My Education Level Is

High School Diploma

My Current Employment Status Is

Self-employed

My Speciality Is

Sales / Marketing

My Job Title Is

CEO/SALES MGR./JANITOR/COFFEE MAKER

I Make This Much In A Year

$15,000USD To $29,999USD

I Live

Alone

At Home

Friends Come Over Occasionally

I'm A Smoker

No

I Drink

Yes - Socially

Back In High School, I Was A

Class Clown

My Social Behavior Is

Friendly, Comedic, Flirtatious, Outgoing

My Interest And Hobbies Are

Reading, Music, Tv, Movies, Internet, Dining, Theater, Cooking

My Idea Of A Great Time Is

Hanging Out With Friends, The Movies, Relaxing, Sleeping, Going To A Casino, Going To A Concert, Going To A Museum

An Ideal First Date Would Be

PREFERABLY WITH A WOMAN.

I've Always Wanted To Try

WRITING SOMETHING BRILLIANT ON ONE OF THESE DATING WEBSITES. OH WELL, MAYBE SOMEDAY...

My Friends Describe Me As Being

Friendly, Goofy, A Flirt

My Religion Is

Spiritual But Not Religious

I Attend Services

Never

My Political Views Are

Middle Of The Road

My Goal In Life Is

CONTINUING TO SCAN THE OBITUARIES FOR MY NAME EACH MORNING AND NOT FINDING IT THERE.

My Kind Of Humor Is

Friendly, Goofy, Obscure

On Tv, I Always Watch

News, Cartoons, Documentaries, Dramas, Movies

When I Go To The Movies, I Always Go To See A

Science Fiction, Comedy, Romance, Drama, Documentary, Animation, Horror

When Listening To Music, I Always Listen To

Rock, Metal, Classical, Vacuum Cleaner Noises, Blues, Jazz, Soul, Punk

When I Read, I Always Read

Classic, Fiction, Horror, Humor, Satire

My Idea Of Fun Is

HITTING MYSELF ON THE NOSE WITH A ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER WHENEVER I MAKE A MESS ON THE CARPET.

What Do You Find Attractive?

Intelligence, Humor, Empathy, Boldness, Flirtatiousness, Wit, Thoughtfullness

What Do You Look For?

HONESTY TOWARDS OTHERS AS WELL AS SOMEONE WHO CAN ALSO BE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES ABOUT THE KIND OF PEOPLE THEY WANT IN THEIR LIFE.

What Kind Of Relationship Are You Seeking?

Friend, Date, Intimate, Committed